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Words of Wisdom

? A typical pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying and about aeroplanes when he is with a woman ? A comment about how well things are going is a sure guarantee of trouble ? Winds aloft are of most use to historians ? A greaser landing is 50% luck; two in a row are all luck; three in a row and someone’s lying ? The more traffic at an airport and the fewer controllers, the better it is running ? The Owner’s Manual that comes with a ?300 refrigerator is better than the one you get with a ?30 million aeroplane ? If it doesn’t work, rename it ? “Please see me at once” memos from CFIs, Operations Managers, Chief Pilots and Team Leaders are only distributed at the end of a working week at 1800 hrs ? Flying skills and administrative ability are very rare in the same person. Thus, the average CFI is either right where he belongs or he’s a total misfit ? If an earthquake opened a 10 foot run way crack that caused a landing mishap, the investigation board would blame it on pilot error ? One hole in the clouds is worth 10 published let-down charts ? A thunderstorm is rarely as bad as it looks from the outside; usually it’s worse ? When talking about yesterday, a weather man is a scientist; when talking about tomorrow, he’s looking in a crystal bowl ? A good simulator performance is like a successful appendectomy on a cadaver ? A good ground school instructor understands flying the way an astronomer understands stars ? Any pilot who does not privately consider himself the best in the business is in the wrong business ? Every groundschool class includes one idiot who, at 1755 hrs, asks a question requiring a 20 minute answer ? Accepted checklist philosophy requires that pilots read to each other the things they do every day and recite from memory the things they do once every few years ? If it’s lousy here it’s probably clear where you’re going ? Any attempt to stretch fuel will coincide with an increase in headwind ? Jet and reciprocating engines operate on the same principle: suck and squeeze, blow and go ? It is usually easier to cope with one major in-flight problem than a series of minor ones – real trouble usually comes in small doses

And now some more rules, this time for the airlines: ? Most airline food tastes like chicken because most airline food is chicken ? Clocks lie; a 12-hour layover passes more quickly than a 6-hour trip ? The longer the trip, the greater the odds of having an inoperative autopilot ? There are four ways to fly: The right way, the wrong way, the company way and the captain’s way. Only one counts ? The captain is always right and even if he is not right, he is the captain ? Arguing with the captain is like arguing with a radar cop ? The tape that supports your version is certain to be erased by accident ? Nothing is more optimistic than than a dispatcher’s ETD